I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
