In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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