At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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