didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
