I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize