I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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