I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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