Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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