dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
