We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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