some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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