Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
