Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Every concussion has its silver lining
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
