I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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