my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
