Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Pants are for mortals
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
