I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
