My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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