Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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