he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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