I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
tonight lets celebrate not being married
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize