i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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