I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
