she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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