naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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