The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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