Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
