I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
