who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
