dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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