When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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