well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You are the jesus of drinking
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
