Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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