Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
