Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
