i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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