y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
