hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We talked him into tasing himself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
