the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
