He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
