Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize