textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
