He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
