Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
