It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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