By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize