oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
