you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
my liver is dry heaving
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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