did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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