Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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