You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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