pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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