I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
