Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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