You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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