would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
