i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
