my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Princesses don't give blow jobs
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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