im having a threesome with these popsicles
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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