I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
