You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
MIDGETS
????
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
