Too much gin, very little bucket
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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