Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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