Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
