Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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