I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
