It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
