how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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