im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize