idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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