Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize