Got a toothbrush?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
