Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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