Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
