someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
