i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
