when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
