YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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