I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
