Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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