he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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