I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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