she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
