i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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