I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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