The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
