Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
