Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
