I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
