I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dicks are not precious.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
