her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
