my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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