two words: eviction party
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
