maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
