I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Alive.
So much puke
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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