dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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