we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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