Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
