Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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