is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
NoShamevember. You game?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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